Chagga Funeral

 Lakini wadau, hii nilishaona imeandikwa kwa wa Nigeria, waJamaica na waChina.

 

 

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A Tanzanian family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of her daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that the face touched the glass lid!

 

When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as follows: -'Dear brothers and sisters, I am sending our mother's body to you for burial, since it has always been her wish to be buried in the compound of our ancestral home in Machame . Sorry I could not come along as I have been denied leave at work since we are short staffed this month. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of canned fish,10 packets of Royco soup and 8 tins of hot chocolate. Please divide these among yourselves. On Mama's feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes size 9 for Mushi’s eldest son.

Also, there are 2pairs of shoes for Urasa's and Kwayu's daughters.Hope the sizes are correct.Mama is wearing 6 American t-shirts. The large size is for Manka and the others are for my nephews. The 2 new Levis jeans that Mama is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Koku wanted for her 21st birthday is on Mama's left wrist. Aunt Rebeka, Mama is wearing the necklace, earrings and the ring that you asked for. Please take them.The 6 white cotton socks that Mama is wearing must be divided among my teenage nephews. Please distribute all these accordingly and if anythingmore is required, let me know since our Pappa is also not doing well nowadays.

 

Your loving sister!!

Mama Manka

Chagga Series

Kwa wanaotaka kujua habari za WaChagga, ni lazima msome stories za Dada Sandra Mushi.

Kuna habari muhimu sana kwa wanaotaka kuolewa au kuoa MChagga. Kwa MChagga pesa ni muhimu kuliko ngono.

Kutoka Chagga Series:

"There is something else you should know before getting married to a Chagga - especially one from the village, kuku wa kienyeji, as vijana wa mjini would call them. Chaggas are generally not taught about sex – not like our Zaramo cousins who are taught how to gyrate those hips or as Waswahili say - kukata kiuno mpaka jamaa anahonga gari. Chaggas are taught how to make money and provide for their families. Kyasaka women get married to Chagga men because they can provide – not because they are the Don Juan’s in bed. "

Kusoma Chagga Series BOFYA HAPA

http://saharasoulfood.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/chaggas-first-time/

Wanaume wanavyotusema sisi Wanawake!

Nimepata hii kwa e-mail:

CHAGGA WOMEN

First Date: You get to buy her Amarula (or Redds), mbuzi choma and dance the whole night. You have to buy her credit, to organize for the second date.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends Amarula (or Redds), mbuzi choma and dance to the whole night. You exchange your expensive phone with her nokia. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She tells you she is engaged and you are a kyasaka

ZIGUA/ DIGO WOMEN

First date: She wants your home address

Second date: She comes home for the date with her brother (who is looking for a job)

Third date: She ends at the door, her mother is waiting

Fourth date: You have sex and she tells you she is pregnant and want you to take her and her baby

WAHAYA WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk as you dance to Saida Karoli and later have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk as you dance to Saida Karoli and later have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk as you dance to Saida Karoli and later have sex.

SUKUMA WOMEN

First Date: You take her to a movie and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes ugali and chicken.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.

4th Anniversary: You already have 3 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.

5th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

HEHE WOMEN

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Guinness, and have sex in the back of your car.

Second Date: She's pregnant.

Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you get to eat rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice before you met her .

ZARAMO WOMEN

First date: You get to buy her dinner, but you realize nothing is going to happen.

Second date: You wait for her in the same restaurant but she gets lost on the way.

Third date: She does not even remember to pick your calls.

NYAKYUSA WOMEN

First date: After a date of drinking several bottles of Fanta, you get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.

Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

ZANZIBARI WOMEN

First Date: You get dynamite head.

Second Date: You get more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

MAASAI WOMEN

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.

Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.

MAKONDE WOMEN

First date: Meet her parents.

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night and you get to ask her, her name

PARE WOMEN

First date: She wants sex, no food or drink

Second date: She wants more sex

Third date: She only wants chuma mboga