President Obama Over Kenyan Airspace - Utani

Midume Mkome - Yaliyompata Todd!

Todd's Funeral.....Burial of a Husband Liar..

Todd works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Todd! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Todd.. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Todd if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around
Todd, starts to rub herself all over him and says, ‘Hi Toddie. Want
your usual table dance, big boy?'

Todd's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club...

Todd follows and spots her getting into a taxi.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Todd tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Todd, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

Todd's funeral will be on Saturday.

George W. Bush Library (Maktaba) - Utani

Wadau ilibidi niposti hii. Ni utani lakini inachekesha kweli.

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Dear Fellow Constituent:

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.

The Library will include:
The Hurricane Katrina Room , which is still under construction.
The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling
The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.
The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.
The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President's accomplishments.

The library will be richly decorated with inscriptions of quotations from Mr. Bush's public appearances:
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'"
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
"'No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared."
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
"The future will be better tomorrow."
"'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures" (during an education photo-op).
"'Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
"'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."'...George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson.

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Obama Aponyesha mamia ya Wagonjwa! -Utani

Hii ni utani:

Nadhani aliyetunga aliandika wakati ule waliposema eti watu wanapenda kumsikiliza kama watu walivyokuwa wanasikiliza Bwana Yesu Kristo.

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Obama Heals Hundreds

AUSTIN, TEXAS — Ginny McCallum, 43, who has been confined to a wheelchair for much of her adult life, came to hear presidential candidate Barack Obama speak at the University of Texas. Afterward she found herself in a wheelchair access breezeway as Obama and his entourage exited the arena. The candidate spotted her, came over, grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She found herself standing for the first time in eleven years.

"He smiled at me and said, ‘Yes, you can,’" she says. "I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do."

McCallum is among hundreds of people who say they have been healed by the Democratic candidate, in one of the most surprising and little-acknowledged aspects of his campaign. Reporters have shied away from the story, chalking it up to "Obama-mania" and people’s feelings of elation.

"We don’t talk about it a lot, but yeah, it does happen," says one staffer who says he has seen multiple people healed on a rope line. "We don’t know exactly how or why it’s happening, and the Senator won’t talk about it. He usually insists that people keep it quiet and just report it to their pastor or priest."
Greeting supporters after a rousing speech in Houston, Obama stepped into the dense crowd and spontaneously began touching people: a legally blind woman, a man deaf in one ear, a cancer sufferer and a lame man.

"Yes, you can," Obama said as he laid hands on afflicted bodies.

The people’s reactions were so joyous as to be almost frightening. They jumped and shouted and wept. Before they could thank or embrace the candidate he was well down the rope line healing others. Their excitement was lost in the general din of the crowd.

Aides acknowledge that the phenomenon is occurring with greater frequency.
"His power goes beyond simple inspiration," says one aide. "There is something developing here that I’m not sure any of us fully understands."

They say Obama has told them privately that his time has not yet come, so it would be inappropriate to talk about the healings right now. He says he will wait until the convention to speak publicly about the "special calling" he believes he has to lead the country. They do expect him to start alluding to "the providential nature of what is happening on the campaign trail" in an upcoming address, mostly because word is getting around.

People have begun bringing relatives by the score to campaign events in hopes of a healing touch.

"It’s not the speeches that are drawing people anymore, as good as they are," says a senior staff member. "It’s people wanting to get better, and wanting their friends and relatives to get better. It’s the belief that there’s something more here."

Watalii waharibu Mbuga za Wanyama

(UTANI)

Jamani, jamani, jamani. Inasemekana mtalii kutoka USA alienda kwenye mbuga ya wanyama na backpack mgongoni. Alikuwa kwenye land rover na watalii wengine. Sasa walivyoona simba, waliingiwa na kiwewe na backpack ikaburuzwa kwenye chuma fulani kwenye land rover yao. Kwa bahati mbaya chupa ya shampoo ilianguka mbugani. Shauri ya woga ya kuliwa na hao simba, waliamua kuacha chupa pale pale ilipoanguka.

Watalii waliondoka na gari yao. Sasa simba na utundu wake kaona hiyo chupa, kaanza kulamba lamba maana ilikuwa na ladha ya nazi. Mwisho kaipasua na kulamba shampoo yote. Baada ya wiki moja watalii walirudi na kuona huyo simba wa kiafrika kawa simba wa kizungu (pichani)!