Nimeona haya maswali Oprah.com. Lakini jamani hivi kweli Bongo watu wakianza kuulizana maswali haya watu watafunga ndoa kweli?
You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything...but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work? Author Susan Piver reveals the questions you and your partner should answer before you say "I do."
Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?
Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?
Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?
Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?
Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?
Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?
Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?
Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?
Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?
Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?
Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?
Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?
Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?
Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?
Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?
Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?
Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?
Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?
Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?
Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?
12 comments:
Da Chemi wew ehukuuoizana maswali hayo na mumeo, au wewe hukujiuliza? Kwa mila zetu kwa kiasi kikubwa kuna division of labor. Mama anaju akabisa kazi yake ni kwa mfano kufanya usafi wa ndani wakati baba atafanya za nje kama vile kukata majani n.k.
Kw ahawa wenzetu inabidi waulizane maswala hayo kwa sababu kila anaezafanya kila kitu na expectesheni za kila hazijulikani juu ya mwenziwe. nafikiri ni maswala mazuri kuulizana sioni ubaya wake kwene sosayati yao.
Western societies are characterized by individualism, everything is self centered, that is why when two people with individualized backgrounds come together, such questions have to be asked.
In my view those issues come up or should come upwhen you are engaged to someone, but I do not think that every question is necessary.
Knowing your partners goals, ambitions, needs, preferences, desires and habits is essential before you commit to anyone. Learning to comprise and achieve consensus is actually the thing that makes love prevail and grow. Listening, comprising, advising and being responsible are very important issues.
When both partners are conscious of these aspects, there is no need to decide who will do the cooking and clean afterwards or who will clean the house and do the shopping.
Asking such questions just goes to show how the family unit and culture is being affected by the current economic structures.
Bongo maswali kama hayo yanaweza kutia nuksi kwenye ndoa na wakati mwingine kuivunja "mara moja!"
Da Chemi, nimefurahi sana kusoma maswali haya kwa kweli ni mazuri. Lakini kwa watanzania wenzako tulio wengi sawa na usiku wa kiza. Maana kipato chetu kwa mwaka hakina takwimu, kila kunapokucha tunajiliwaza kwa kusema bwana atatoa. Kwa kweli tunaishi kwa matumaini tu. Maana vipato vyetu tulio wengi si vya uhakika kila kukicha ni kubangaiza tu. Maana mtu ukipata mlo wa leo mchana huna uhakika kama kesho itakuwa kama leo. Na ndio maana kila kukicha tunaona afadhali ya jana. Lakini kwa wenzetu nikiwa na maana ya wabongo baadhi hilo si tatizo, watapeta tu ngoma mdundo na kusheherekea milele hadi siku ya umauti wao. Asante kwa hayo na tutayafikiria maana si tatizo bali ni changamoto kwetu.
Ukiona mwanamke anakuuliza maswali kama hayo 20 ujue siyo bikira alishabikiriwa na wanaume wengine achana naye kaoe mwanamke mwingine.
Huu ni ushauri wangu wa bure kwa mwanaume yeyote mwoaji.Usipoteze muda na mwanamke mwenye maswali kama hayo ni mgumu sana kum-manage na home management huwa ngumu mno.
Pamoja na kwamba mansema mswali hayo sio culture yetu lakini ni maswali ya msingi sana. Kumbuka kwamba kwa dunia ya sasa ya utandawaziz sio kama zamani wanawake walikuwa tegemezi kwa waume zao. wote mnafanyakazi ama biashara ya kuongeza kipato nyumbani. Vile vile kuna watanzania wanoishi nje ya nchi amabo inabidi kuwe na mipango ya majukumu na sio kuishi maisha ya umwinyi kama nyumbani hii ni haswa ikiwa wote mna fanya kazi , kusoma na kulea watoto kwa hiyo ni vitu vya msingi kuangalia ama sivyo utakuta ni vitu vidogo vidogo vina vyo leta migogoro haswa kuhusu finances, kusaidia nyumbani, kulipa bills, na matanuzi yasiyo na msingi.
Kuna isue nyingine watu wametoka katika malezi tofauti,wangine wanfanya kazi zote za kike na za kiume .wengine kazi yao kutundika miguu kusubiri aidha mume au mke au mfanyakazi afanye. Hizo zote ni changamoto amabzo wanan ndoa wapya inabidi waziangalie kwa undani. Believe me it takes trivial things to break a marriege sio lazima mfumaniane
Sasa maswali mengii ya nini haya yote wakati mimi nataka mnihalishie niwahi nikale kitu yangu halali haraka na mapemaa.Lakini hutu tu zee nato tumekuwa tunafanya Ngono muda wote huo?nyeti zimechakaa eti ndo wanatka kuzihalisha ziwe halali duh nomaa kwa hiyo hapo eti inakuwa sio ngono tena ni tendo la ndoa hihihihi!
Kwa watu wenye culture ya ubinafsi na uchoyo haya maswali ni very valid. Kama unatakiwa kuyajibu maswali hayo inabidi pia mpange mnataka kuishi pamoja kwa muda gani?
Je, mara ngapi nitembee na mwanaume mwingine kwa wiki? kwa mwezi?
kimsingi, ndoa huanzia kwenye urafiki, na mnapokuwa marafiki then mnapata fursa ya kufanya vitu vya pamoja ambavyo ni common baina yenu. kubwa zaidi pale ambapo mnatofautiana mnajifunza kuvumiliana hadi mnafikia kila upande kumkubali mwenzie.
Hii ni theory ya kawaida ambayo hahitaji college degree. Vinginevyo kutafunguliwa college zinnazotoa degree zinazowatayarisha watu wakaolewe au kuoa.
Kwa sisi waafrika au watanzania, muhimu katika ndoa ni heshima mnayopoeana na kujua kila mtu nafasi yake ndani ya ndoa ile. Kwa mwanamke ukikaa kama golikipa unahatarisha ndoa yako in the sense that hutakuwa unachangia katika well being ya familia kiuchumi.
Kwa mwaume usipofanya kazi, ni hatari pia, kwani utamfanya mkeo afanye overtime matokeo yake mtaanza kulaumiana.
Lakini la mwisho kabisa, je ni wangapi hupata nafasi baada ya kufunga ndoa zao kurudi na kuwauliza wazazi/walezi wao nini siri ya mafanikio yao ya kuishi maisha maelewano kwa muda mrefu? Huko ndio kuna majibu mengi kuliko ya watu wabinasfi.
Maswali ya kisenge hayo,mi demu aniulize hayo maswali nampiga makofi na talaka kabla hata sijamuao
Napenda sana kiswahili kuna anayeolewa na anayeoa.
Anayeolewa hana haki ya maswali kama hayo.
Lakini kwenye kiingereza kwa sababu mnaoana hakuna anayeoa au kuolewa ndiyo maana kuna maswali ya kuulizana kama muko mahakama ya kadhi kabla ya kuoana.
Mwanamke akiniuliza maswali kama hayo wallahi hata kama nilikuwa nimemwatamia kifuani nikitomba.
Navaa nguo zangu haraka na kutimua mbio za kilomita 200 kwa saa na haji kuniona tena kenge mkubwa huyo!
Anonymous wa August 09, 2007 9:44 AM, umetoa hoja ya msingi na nzito, maana ilibidi nicheke, inabidi wanandoa wauulizane wataishi kwa miaka mingapi, heheheheheheheheheh, kaaaz, kaaazi, kweli kweli. Nadhani cha msingi ni kwamba lazima kuwepo na love, true love ikiwepo , hakuna haja ya maswali yote haya, love breeds comprise, care, trust and respect. Ndoa ikiwa just for convenience matokeo yake ndo hayo, isitoshe wazungu wengi wakati mwingine na hata waafrika, wanaowana just for the sake of not being lonely. In that case such questions have to pop up.
haya "wathomi" kazi kwenu. Ngugi alishasema long time ago. Learn their wisdom but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER follow their ways of life.
Thank GOD Im one of the very few whom brainwash education didn't make them fools.
Chemi, wewe na wathomi wenzio mnadhania kuwa zamani wazungu walikuwa wanaongea kiswahili wakaendelea kimaendeleo mpaka sasa wanaongea kizungu.
Wajaamen, hizi customs za kizungu ni za kizungu, na wala siyo Universal customs.
Wajaamen, ustaarabu siyo uzungu
CHEMI, hiyo kofia uliyovaa ya NY, it sends lots of signals about you and the way you think. Kataa Kubali, piga ua, kazi bado tunayo. Na ndo maana mnaishi ughaibuni.
You know, I am so surprised with the way people understands these questions!!! Most of these questions are crucial to our day today life especially those who intends to get married. I am soooo shocked that my fellow Tanzanians ignore these questions and think they are for “wazungus”. These questions help you to understand your partner fully before deciding to be together. Remember, getting married is Living with someone FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!! How can you say “as long as we love each, there is no need for these questions”???? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with someone whom you don’t know how much she/he earns in his/her work? Is THAT LOVE???? Love will be so selfish then, if you can hide some things from the person “you think” you love. Now tell me Anonymous 5:49.. are you ready to spend the rest of your life with a woman/man whom you cant discuss you financial goals with (see question 4)? Ina maana hauwezi kushauriana na mpenzi wako kwamba iwapo mtaoana mnapenda kufanya vitu gani ili muweze kuwa na mafanikio mfano: nyumba yenu wenyewe badala ya kupanga, gari, duka may be… are you not going to discuss this with your partner???? Are you not going to advice one another that, instead of eating out every weekend why don’t you eat out once a month to minimize the cost???? (see question 5)!!! Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with a woman whom she will always be tired in the evening to the extent of making love with you once per 2 weeks????? (question 10). Are you all telling me that question number 15 is for “wathomi” only??? What if you only want to have 1 kid and your partner wants 4??? Are you not going discuss that issue?
What about religion (number 19). Let say you are a muslim and your partner is a christian, are you telling me you will never discuss about the religion which your children will follow? Muslim or Christian??? And will you agree if you are a muslim and your children are Christian or you are a Christian and your children are muslim???
You know what I think now, I think you ALL DID NOT UNDERSTAND THESE ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS otherwise you would have not show how LOW your thinking capacity is.
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