Wednesday, March 07, 2012

I Refuse to be Part of Your Wedding Committee!

Nimepata kwa email. Naona MKenya kaja juu na hivyo vikao vyao arusi vya kila siku. Nilipokuwa Bongo kwa shangazi nilishangaa sana kuona  hizo invites za kamati zilikuwa tano moja! Haki ya Mungu!

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Dear Friend,


I refuse to be part of your wedding committee!

I got your invitation card to the committee. I see you quoted an amount that I am expected to contribute.I must say that I feel honoured that you remember me. It has been years since the last time we spoke. I remember we used to be in the same school, and we recently befriended each other on Facebook.

However, friend, I must say that this came as a surprise to me. You see, I am unable to afford a wife myself. I have been planning to get a lady and head to the A.G chambers. I hear it will cost me very little money.

I see that your wife is trying to keep up with the Kardashians. It is a dream wedding that she wants. If you are able to afford that, my friend, it will be a very good thing to do. But, kindly do not tie me to financial obligations when mine are choking me. The current economic times have put a rope around everyone’s neck. I cannot afford Kshs 10,000/- (180,000/- Tsh) as contribution towards your wedding.

I am willing, more than willing to be a service provider- to oversee pitching of tents, directing guests to the sitting places, showing them the little rooms, collecting gifts.I am willing to attend the committee to pray for your marriage. I am willing to attend your wedding. I am willing to do all this. Friends need friends. But
friends don’t exploit friends.

I saw a facebook group you had created earlier as well- something about a goat eating party in preparation for ruracio (pre-wedding).   You will forgive me, because the first thing I thought was: what a money collecting idea!

I could push myself and bring you a gift on your wedding day. It is a noble thing to do. However, I will not buy you a wife, help you wed her in an expensive ceremony, then stock your house. I often tell people to live within their means. I know you will thank me someday.

If you cannot afford your wife’s dream wedding, and you give it to her still, what happens when she is about to deliver, and she needs a dream delivery at the Aga Khan-Princess Zuhura Pavillion? Will you call us for an emergency ‘my-wife-is-delivering’ committee? When the kid wants to go to school and has to go to Cianda School and Makini School, will you call us in as well? The world has needier people, and more deserving causes!

All I am saying is a wedding, a luxurious one in this case is not for you if you cannot afford three quarter of the money required.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yaani Comrade umenena,

Uko sahihi kabisa watu wengine ni waajabu sana ,akikaribia kuoa anakuganda kama ruba.
Lakini ukweli wa mambo hii ni hatari sana hasa katika jamii zetu za kiafrika mambo haya yamechangia kwawingi matokeo ya ukatili wa kijinsia katika familia nyingi.
Kila aliye changia harusi na hasa posa na mahali anakuwa na sauti juu ya huju binti au mama aliyeolewa.

Nafikiri cha kufanya ni kuplan vema tu harusi yako,na ukifanikiwa kufanya hivyo utafanikiwa kufanya shughuli pasipo usumbufu kwa wengine.
Vilevile inapendeza kufanya kitu kulingana na uwezo wako .

Asante

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Live your life, never practice a copy and paste lifestyle! having a
friend is one thing but immitating how friends are living is another
thing.

Most guys do behave like the "haves" while they actually "do not have"
enough during the relation period with their "sweethearts". So in
order to maintain this fake status they start pressing their fellows
to do it for them when comes to wedding.

And believe me, most of these comrades, slow down relationship with these indeed friends after a wedding business is over..no more facebook hello, pokes, jokes, sms and even calls in comparison to the
period before wedding!

Plan wedding on your own as you are planning your life!

Anonymous said...

Wajemeni, tuache uwongo. Hii vikao vya harusi vingine ni miradi tu ya watu kujipatia pesa!

Anonymous said...

Nataka kuanzisha Shirika la
Kuzuia Michango ya Harusi(SKMH). Litakuwa shirika linaloelimisha watu kujikuna pale unapofikia!
Makao yake makuu yatakuwa Tanzania na Nigeria. Matawi yatakuwa Ghana na Kenya bila kusahau Uganda N.k.
Nitaanza na kukusanya michango yote na kuiweka bank, na kuwarudishia wanandoa hao baada ya miaka 5,Riba itokanayo na michango hiyo ndiyo itakayoendesha chama.

Anonymous said...

Yes. Hivi vikao vya harusi na kadi za michango sasa ni too much. Tufikie mahali gharama za harusi zibebwe na familia za maharusi na si kuwahusisha watu wengine kwa nguvu kama ilivyo sasa.

Anonymous said...

kuna ndugu yangu kafanya harusi kubwa kwa mchango mchango tu toka kwa rafiki na jamaa mpaka zikafika shs M26. harusi nilikuwa ya kufa mtu kumbe huyu jamaa hata kitanda kizuri hana na kapanga kichumba kidogo <sinza na choo cha kuchangia uwani na mwenyenyumba ,sasa nikawa najiuliza kazi yote ile ya michango halali mtu kumbe ilikuwa kuburudisha watu tu? leo hii hana pesa hata ya kununua chakula,si afadhali pesa hio ingemsaidia kufanyia angala biashara ndogo ndogo

Anonymous said...

Kwanza hii michango ni sawa na kununua tiketi ya kuhudhuria sherehe! Bora hizo pesa wangetumia kuwanunulia wanahurusi vitu vya kuanzia maisha! Jamaa ana pointi!

Anonymous said...

Wengine usipowachangia ndio inakuwa mwanzo wa uadui wakati kuchanga ni hiyari. Kibaya zaidi ni nyingi ya hizi ndoa za kifahari huwa hazidumu. Watu mnakunywa bia hadi mnanawa lakini baada ya miezi sita tu unaambiwa maharusi wametengana au kuachana.

emu-three said...

Na kweli hizi sherehe sasa `too much' tutakuwa tunachangia sherehe tu, wakati hela ya kula hakuna...

Anonymous said...

Weddings in Africa are now becoming a matter of lavishly extravagant ONE-UPMANSHIP. There are so many starving people out there, and people who spend the whole day walking miles and miles, under the hot sun, just to go and find clean drinking water.

Absolutely pathetic, the way some people see fit, to waste a whole bunch of money on LAVISH weddings. Before we know it, the same people forming MONEY committees for their lavish weddings, will be forming money committees for their lavish DIVORCE parties.

Wake up people~ There's too much poverty out there, to be spending millions on wedding parties and one-upmanship. Damn!

Anonymous said...

Da Chemi, nilienda kwa ndugu yangu na kukuta kadi 12 za michango mchango mbalimbali. Arusi, bethdei, send-off, graduation! KHAA! Kama huwezi kuafford sherehe basi tena! Bongo tumekuwa na mentality ya PARTY CULTURE!

Anonymous said...

Watu wengine wanakufa kwa njaa na shida za pesa za matibabu ya hospitali, nk; na hawa wengine wanashughulika na mambo ya sherehe za kujionyesha na kupoteza pesa huho na huko. Jamani!

Anonymous said...

OMG! What's the world coming to?! Don't waste your money on silly wedding parties. Spend money wisely, on the future of the marriage, so as to make a good life for the coming children. Children are the future of nation-building.

Simon Kitururu said...

Mmmmmh!

Anonymous said...

Tatizo letu Watanzania na Waafrika wengine ni kwamba hatutaki kuonekana masikini.

Tunafanya harusi za kifahari ili tuonekane matajiri wakati ukweli ni masikini. Na hili halipo kwenye harusi tu.

Watu siku hizi wanapigana vikumbo kununua magari wakati hawana uwezo wa kuyamiliki. Tunang'ang'ania kuwa na magari ili tuonekane matajiri, ili tusichekwe tukionekana tunatembea kwa miguu au kupanda mabasi.

We're going out of our way to create a false impression of wealth and prosperity.

Anonymous said...

Hii ishu ya vikao vya arusi imekera wengi. Sema tu wabongo wastaarabu hawasemi kitu wananyamaza kimya! Asante dada kwa kuposti!

Anonymous said...

This letter is a good one. Yes, I agree it is easier said than done but still it is fact that must be said. Even though I do not know origin of the author so as to say whether 10,000 is either afford or not for to contribute towards friend's weeding according to our invaluable custom and tradtion in Tanzania if the author is Tanzanian. Another issue could be about the motive behind the theme and not the amount. That is to say that amount is a non-issue but the motive behind this long time practice. I think it should be kept within friends to decide what they can do for one another. Friends are important as they form part of one extended family and fence. On the whole the idea is good but its application needs to reflect realities of current situation. I do not understand why are people more willing to contribute for short term projects than long term? Why are people ready to contribute huge sums of money towards weeding and not development say paying for
one child's education? Perhaps people are self-centred? They contribute toward what they will eat and drink? Actually paying for their own entertainment?

Anonymous said...

Just to help Anonymous March 10, 2012 5:39 AM the author of this letter is Kenyan. The 10,000 Kenya shillings he is talking about is equivalent to 125 US dollars or 180,000 Tanzanian shillings. In Tanzania, this is no small change as it is just under the official minimum wage.

Chemi Che-Mponda said...

Dear Anonymous 10:03, thank you for taking the time to comment on what you wrote and clarify. Please feel free to add more. This has sparked some great debate and it has been an awakening as most people don't want to say openly what you wrote. Asante sana!

Anonymous said...

hakuna kitu ninachokichukia kama michango ya harusi kibaya zaidi unapewa na kiwango ukitoa chini ya hapo eti hawakuali umemsaidia tu basi kama hela haitoshi nirudishie hela yangu si nindogo halafu sio lazima ufanye harusi ya kifahari inakusaidia nini mtu unabaki ombaomba

Anonymous said...

Harusi nyingi zinatoa impression kuwa maharusi na familia zao ni matajiri sana lakini maisha maharusi wanayoishi baada ya kufunga ndoa huwa ni ya kubabaisha na mambo huharibika zaidi pale wanapopata watoto.

Anonymous said...

Ninaposoma post hii hapa nilipo nina kadi tano za harusi na sendoff ambazo zote zinafanyika mwezi wa tano. Lakini sina haja ya kulalamika sana kwa kuwa ni sisi wenyewe tulioulea utamaduni huu.

Anonymous said...

Hata hao wanaochanga mara nyingi hufanya hivyo kama investment. Anajua leo anakuchangia na wewe kesho utamchangia. Kwa hiyo kama jamaa amekuchangia laki tano kwa ajili ya harusi yako nae anatarajia umchangie kiwango hicho hicho au zaidi kwenye shughuli yake. Yaani wengine wanaweka list ya watu wanaowachangia. Usipochanga basi huo ni mwanzo wa uhasama.

Anonymous said...

Haya mambo ya michango imezidisha ujinga kweli kweli. Duu!